For me, it has been one of those antsy weeks when I feel totally geared up and wanting to "do" something. Usually, that manifests itself in some household project followed by not sleeping as well. The project this go around has been to paint what will be the nursery. I finished everything except near the ceiling, which I will leave to K, mainly because (a) I am afraid of heights and ladders make me dizzy (b) I am too messy of a painter to do that well! As for the not sleeping well, I did have some nights of tossing and turning, but nothing too drastic. Since I have the world's smallest bladder, I usually wake up, go to the bathroom, and then lie awake thinking of a million different things--adoption, paint colors, new sheets, what I'll cook for dinner...typical stuff, ya know?!
Since our update last week, we presented to two birthmoms whose babies had already been born. One of those mothers really wanted a very diverse family for her child, so we can understand why she didn't choose us. The other birthmom changed her mind after deciding to present based on a religious specification--she decided wants an LDS family for her baby. I've had her on my mind a lot today, as K did a bit of missions work to LDS in the past. My heart is heavy for her, as I pray she will truly seek Christ and that her baby will have an opportunity to hear the gospel when he grows older.
Two other birthmoms have our book right now and we are praying that they are able to make the best decision for their babies.
Today, I was reading an adoption story where the adoptive mom mentioned that she found such purpose in waiting for a match because she was able to pray for each of the birthmoms that they presented to, and even though they didn't match with these moms, that God had clearly called her to pray for them and that mama and baby needed her prayers. Even though we are anxious to be matched, I too have found a joy and a deeper understand of the desperate reality that many of these birthmoms are living through in being able to pray for them and their little ones. Each situation tugs at my heart in a different way, but all make me strongly desire to not only become an adoptive mom but to also do something to help these women--prayer, service, donations....I'm not sure what that will look like but I am praying that God will reveal a way that He can use me to aid these women in their hour of desperation. I am also extremely hopeful that we will be able to form a relationship with our birthmom and show her God's love. If adoption is about anything, it's love.