Sunday, July 12, 2015

We're Matched: Week 2

And...more waiting! Only, this time we are waiting for our son to be born! Our precious baby boy's due date is August 10th, which, as I mentioned before is the same due date our oldest daughter had. She was born at exactly 37 weeks on July 23rd. It's crazy to think we could have a baby this month! We hope he bakes as long as possible though...K totally wants to share his birth month with his little boy! Yesterday, I counted the days till the due date and surprised myself by counting only 34 days. What?!?! 
You may be wondering what we've been up to during the last two weeks... Well, it's probably best described as a cycle of rejoicing and praying! Oh how my heart aches for our precious birthmom! How I am praying for her safety, health, and salvation and for the health and safety of our son! We are so excited and yet our excitement is tempered by the knowledge of our birthmom's pain and sacrifice. We are humbled by the fact that she loves her son so much that she is going to trust us to parent him, love him, and care for him. We are so thankful she chose life for our boy! Just yesterday, I read a bit of an article documenting some legistlation to try to allow a very late term abortion and every fiber in me screamed out...NO! That could have been my girls...
You see, I feel that despite the fact that I have led a very different life than our birthmom, we are  the same. We are both girls in need of a rescuer, a hero. We can't rescue ourselves and were it not for the fact that I asked my rescuer to pick me up and carry me out of the pit when I was a young girl, I'd be our birthmom. So, I love her. I pray for her. I understand her sin, because I have sinned and really, it's all the same--it puts us in a place where we need a hero. 
Last week, I went out to shop for a care package for our birthmom. Right now, she doesn't want communication through texting, email, or phone conversation, but we were encouraged to send her something. I went to Target alone and with my little red basket, I traversed those familiar asiles (all mom's have Target memorized, right?!) with new eyes. My fingers ran along the spine of a journal, eyes squinting through the bright lights of the makeup asile, socks, robes, waterbottles... How do you shop for someone you've never met? Someone with whom you've only had one, brief phone conversation? Someone who had chosen to give you her child? I felt so silly and so very heartbroken. Tears welled up in my eyes while I stood in that asile, watching others cheerfully shopping, kids laughing, moms scolding. I looked down at that basket of meager items and thought what a paltry offering for a woman to whom I wanted to say so much, give so much. Instead of waddling through the asiles with a pregnant tummy of my own, shopping for delicate baby clothing, I was trying to sort through the thousands of emotions that come with adoption--emotions that make buying a waterbottle and a canvas bag a marathon of feelings. I wrote a letter to her that night, trying to convey love but probably sounding kind of insane talking about the weather and our dog. I packaged up the items with brighlty colored tissue paper and took them the the post office. While the box felt full, it didn't contain the thing that I desparately wanted to send her and have her receive. It didn't have Jesus inside. Oh, that's what I want to give her, to show her--a love that never fails, never gives up, a love waiting for her. 
We're not sure if we will get to meet our birthmom or what her "birth plan" will end up being, but hopefully we will find out more details in the coming weeks. I hope we get to meet her, but even if we don't, I hope she understands how much we care about her. 
With hope and expectation, we have been gathering baby items that we need and are starting to make some preparations for travel. I washed my first load of little boy baby laundry after going shopping for some boy things. I wanted to cuddle each of those pieces of clothing, imagining the little one who will wear them. They seems so precious, small, and delicate. H was thrilled with a sleeper that says "Little Brother", especially since she could read it herself.

We're anxious to hold our little one and to see his face! It's getting closer each day! 

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