Shadowlands

 On August 5th, 2020 Kurt was diagnosed with B-Cell ALL (Acute Lymphocytic Leukemia). This diagnosis came after a quick succession of appointments that were kicked off by some mild symptoms that started back in June. Kurt noticed dizziness when standing quickly, some fatigue while doing yard work, and PVC's (skipped/double heart beats). We assumed he was anemic and bloodwork seemed to point toward that or an infection initially. We retested and numbers improved. On July 28th, we repeated the bloodwork and third time. Kurt was feeling great--better than before and we assumed that whatever it was had resolved. On July 31st, our doctor called to let us know his bloodwork had returned and it was worse than the initial results in June. More concerning was the presence of immature cells in the bloodstream and blast cells. She urged us to get in to see a hematologist and oncologist as soon as possible. 

No one ever wants to hear those words. Our hearts sank, but we took courage in knowing God knew we were going to get that call. We have never left His caring and loving hands. Thanks to a friend in the medical field, we were able to get a Hematology and Oncology appointment Monday (August 3rd) morning. The doctor told us that he was sure there was an issue with Kurt's bone marrow, but the only way to really get a firm diagnosis was to do a bone marrow biopsy. On Tuesday, August 4th, he had a bone marrow biopsy. The procedure was pretty pain-free (until soreness later) and we came home to wait. 

Waiting is the worst part and we were told we had an appointment Friday to hear results. Instead, we got a call Wednesday to come in at noon to talk over the results. We learned that Kurt had ALL (Acute Lymphocytic Leukemia) at that appointment. ALL is more common in children (confirming what we already knew about Kurt being big kid!) and that he was considered a "unicorn" in that he was so healthy at diagnosis and his counts (while bad) were not as bad as they usually see. While ALL is a beast of an illness to have, it does have a more optimistic prognosis than some other adult Leukemias. Part of this has to do with Kurt's age, health overall, and that he can be treated with a young adult protocol. We have been blessed to hear the words "treatable" and even "cure." And while those words are not used lightly, we cling to the hope we have in Christ and the thought that it is possible! 

We were instructed to head to U.K. Hosptial to be admitted that afternoon. Kurt's immune system is extremely fragile right now and even something as simple as brushing his teeth could cause a problem. We are so thankful God led us to be careful during this COVID crisis. If we had been more lax, Kurt could have ended up very sick. 

Strangely, we almost felt some relief as we left the office. We knew what we are up against. We had hope. The hardest part of that drive was knowing we would have to tell our children. They have been through a lot with my own health issues over the years and we knew it would be hard to have dad "sick" and both of us gone during this process. God is guarding over their hearts and they are doing well now. 

The first part of leukemia treatment involves an "induction" phase where the end goal is remission. This means a 29 + day hospital stay. In the hospital, Kurt has been given a number of medications to protect him from fungal, bacterial, and viral infections. There are medicines to protect his kidneys too! He has had lots of bloodwork, a PICC line placed, and another biopsy. He also had some baseline tests to measure heart and kidney function. We learned he has the most common form of ALL: B-Cell and are currently waiting for a few other genetic markers to return before Chemo begins. 

One of the first things Kurt said to me after he was diagnosed was "Think of all the people I can share Jesus with because of this?! If it brings glory to Him, I am fine with any diagnosis."  He has been a pillar of strength this week. We have both had our sad moments and some anxious ones (that's always more me!), but God has been good to comfort us in those places. He has shown us such goodness through friends and family who have jumped into action to help support us. He has shown us mercy through a quick diagnosis, connections through friends, and by giving us a sense of hope in the diagnosis itself. 

Last week, Andrew Peterson's song "Dancing in the Minefields" kept playing in my head. If you have never heard it, google it now. These are the lyrics: 

Well, I was 19, you were 21
The year we got engaged
And everyone said we were much too young
But we did it anyway
We got the rings for 40 each
From a pawn shop down the road
And we said our vows
And took the leap now 15 years ago
And we went dancing in the minefields
We went sailing in the storms
And it was harder than we dreamed
But I believe that's what the promise is for
Well, "I do" are the two most famous last words
The beginning of the end
But to lose your life for another, I've heard
Is a good place to begin
'Cause the only way to find your life
Is to lay your own life down
And I believe it's an easy price
For the life that we have found
And we're dancing in the minefields
We're sailing in the storms
And this is harder than we dreamed
But I believe that's what the promise is for
That's what the promise is for
So when I lose my way, find me
And when I lose love's chains, bind me
At the end of all my faith to the end of all my days
When I forget my name, remind me
'Cause we bear the light of the Son of Man
So there's nothing left to fear
So I'll walk with you in the shadow lands
'Til the shadows disappear
'Cause He promised not to leave us
And His promises are true
So in the face of all this chaos
Baby, I can dance with you
So let's go dancing in the minefields
Let's go sailing in the storms
Oh, let's go dancing in the minefields
And kicking down the doors
Oh, let's go dancing in the minefields
And sailing in the storms
Oh, this is harder than we dreamed
But I believe that's what the promise is for
That's what the promise is for.

Kurt and weren't quite as young when we got married but plenty young enough at 22 and 25. In early 2021, we hope to celebrate our 15th wedding anniversary. We've been dancing through the minefields all these years together and we plan to keep dancing through this one. I am thankful I get to be the one to walk through these shadowlands with him. I'll keep walking, with Jesus' help, until they disappear. 

We are still processing everything that has happened, so I am sure I will post some more reflective thoughts later. Right now, Kurt is inpatient and we are waiting for chemo to being Tuesday or Wednesday. Because of the strict visitation policy, I am at home getting things settled and will go to be with him on chemo day. Once I go, I am not allowed to leave. If I leave, I cannot come back for the duration of his stay. This is VERY hard. 

Would you please pray for the following needs: 

-Kurt's protection from infection while in the hospital 

-That Kurt's chemo side effects will be as mild as possible and he will tolerate it beautifully! 

-That Kurt will achieve remission during this first round of treatment and get to come home at the end of the 29 days. 

-For each of our children, as we are away. Their little hearts are grieving in their own ways and we know they are anxious about the future. 

-For grandparents, as they care for our children 

-For sleep for me in the hospital and at home. For my own health issues to stay controlled.

-For some favor possibly in the visitation policy.

-For our little dog, Mattie, who is in her last days. 

Thank you all for praying for us. Thank you for all the messages, gifts of food, and all the other ways in which you have already blessed our family. I will post regular updates here and share them via social media. 

Thank you for walking with us. We're going sailing in the storms...

-Priscilla